My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
