I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
