I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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