exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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