there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
