I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
