I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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