I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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