You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
