I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
