party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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