Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
