They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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