the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
