you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize