A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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