If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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