sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
