I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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