So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
