life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
