i was born a porn star she said
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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