Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
