No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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