So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
