ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
