Is it normal to miss your booty call?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
