If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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