We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
