I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
