It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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