I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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