i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think your dad took our porno
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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