never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
