i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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