mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
