The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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