drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
