Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
