Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize