I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
