ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
