I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
