you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize