if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
