I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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