dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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