I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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