I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
