Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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