Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
