Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
