Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
