i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
