508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
