Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
