You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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