I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
