Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
