My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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