I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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