i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
