When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
