So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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