but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
