Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
