Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
should my penis look like a turkey
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
