I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
