Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
