$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
