We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
