I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
