she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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