I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
