Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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