don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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