Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
