Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
