I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
