i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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