Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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