I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
