You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
