OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
