I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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