Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
